I HATE anxiety.
I, and those I care about, have had to (or currently do) endure it. It’s a crap thing to have to live and fight through on a daily basis. Life is bullshit enough without having your own mind fighting against you.
I don’t want to compare anxiety to a bully because there’s always some sort of underlying heartache as to why someone bullies others. There rarely no other reason for anxiety besides a chemical imbalance in your mind and that is something you can’t always rid yourself of. The cruelty of a bully is something that can most likely be remedied. Anxiety is more like that fictional monster that’s lurking in the shadows. It sits on your chest constantly, trying to smother you and your existence.
It makes you fear every move and decision; you overthink literally everything and fear things that you shouldn’t. You’re constantly in an endless circle of rubbish thoughts… “Am I doing my job correctly”? “Should I wear this? I look ridiculous”. “Should I say that? Oh, great, I said that and now everyone thinks I’m a complete idiot”. “I am stupid, ugly, worthless”. “Am I good enough? Probably not”. I could write a book on the horrible things my own mind tells me.
Sometimes the monster completely paralyses you into inactivity. You don’t do the things that you love for fear of failure, which is also why you don’t pursue your dreams. You isolate yourself, even when you shouldn’t. Going out into the general public is an epic adventure because you’re worried something bad will happen. You neglect your family, friends, your job, yourself. Deep inside you know this isn’t you but you just can’t help it.
Then there’s how it physically effects you… Random panic, fear, uneasiness, nausea. You have problems sleeping. You’re sometimes unable to stay calm and still. You may become cold, sweaty, short of breath, experience heart palpitations. You can become dizzy or disassociate from reality. Sadly, I’ve suffered it all.
Despite this, I keep going. You HAVE to keep going. Seek help, read books, listen to music, reach out to those that care about you….
Some people will tell you if you only think positively and do the things that scare you, you’ll magically be cured of all your ailments! Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it does help. Running water doesn’t get as gross as something stagnate, right? But please don’t let those that don’t understand your ailments shame you into feeling less than. Those people… the ones that tell you you’re wrong or overreacting.. those aren’t your people. You’re loved, wanted and important.
Trust me when I write this… Your anxiety is a liar! Don’t let the monster stop you from being the beautiful person that you are and sharing yourself with the world. This planet needs more of you.