Home.

It’s no secret that I’ve always hated the desert; the vast open spaces filled with dirt, cacti, sun and heat was always disgusting to me.

Today I realised, whilst waiting for TJ in a doctor’s waiting room, that this place no longer sickens me like it used to.

After having worked in dirt, heat and sunny grossness for well over a year, it’s taken until this day to actually *GASP* appreciate it. Now I even sort of miss working outside in it.

This is the view from the waiting room window. It’s oddly calming.

That realisation shocks me more than anyone else, I’m sure.

Classical music is playing over the speakers, which is further calming and causing me to reminisce…

The long, amusing, hilarious, informative, genuine talks we had on overly sunny days.. Us all melting into human puddles together… Working raves even though techno isn’t good like it used to be… Caring for farm animals.. That’s what this view reminds me of – my favourite humans and the moments we’ve shared.

Even though working there was physically hard on my seemingly ailing body, and it caused tons of heat and light triggered migraines, I wouldn’t trade those people (or the growing I did) for the world.

Don’t get me wrong… I still hate the heat, and sweat is the bane of my existence. But, until I can be a forest dwelling crazy cat lady witch of the night, this is my home and I’m okay with that.

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New year, but not a new me.

I could never get into the whole “new year, new me” bullshit. I’m constantly working on myself during the year; not just at the beginning, not just for a “resolution”. Bettering yourself has to be a conscious effort throughout your entire life or what point is there really?

A while back I started writing down the goals I wanted to achieve each year, ticking them off the list as I accomplished them. Well, I’ve lost last year’s list at some point so I decided to graduate to making a mental list of everything I want to accomplish this year. As I thought through the last year of my life I realised I’ve accomplished a lot more than just what I wanted to and that I’ve started actually planting roots somewhere.

As much as I dislike Arizona and nearly all of the people I meet whilst out in public, I’ve managed to make my life pretty great in 2016. I’ve made amazing new friends, my family is doing well, I love my job, I’ve gotten a new vehicle (that’s actually in my name) and my family has lived in the same place (with rent constantly on time) for the last few years.

We’ve come such a long way it’s mind blowing. To actually be happy the majority of the time brings me to tears because I never thought that could happen. All we’ve went through, all I’ve endured, has brought me to this happy place and it’s beautiful.

Painfully long explanation short, that’s the goal of this year for me… To make life beautiful. However I’m able – whether it be giving strangers compliments, buying beautiful wee trinkets, doing a friend’s makeup or appreciating more sunsets and cloudy skies – whatever will make life more beautiful, I’m going to do it.

Life’s too ugly and short to be caught up in the grossness. Screw the drama, the hatred, the bullshit. Make life beautiful and it will be.

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